


All of You.

by iKONislife



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iKONislife/pseuds/iKONislife





	All of You.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me.” His words cold and harsh, stilling even the light breeze toying with your hair and the air that was thickening fast with every second passing. Your steps near screeching to a halt, curiosity raging in your chest because beneath that brassy command, distress resonates with your soul. You spin on your heels to take a gander at the man, so handsome in every ways of the world, glowing under the soft moonlight and warmth of street lamps. Somewhere beneath the glaring eyes and gritted teeth, you could tell hurt was eating away at his heart. Hurt that even now, even as desperate as he was to stop you from leaving, Donghyuk refuses to admit to simply because he was Kim Donghyuk. He’s king of the campus and king doesn’t get hurt, at least not by you, not by someone that was so completely, utterly, painfully average. Watching him now, the way his eyes dancing about your body, wind-blown locks and redden cheeks, a bit of panic flashing in his eyes and though just momentarily, you know he hadn’t at all expected for you to protest.   
“Or what, Donghyuk?” Your words not quite yet angry but no less harsh, perhaps even more so cold. “Just admit it, you have nothing over me, and you hate it. You hate me!” Words of challenge whisking away by the shrill wind of late night, punching his soul with all the irate twisting up your features.   
“You hate that you can’t control me! I mean, why else would you spend so much time on someone like me.” You send all the frustration and hurt flooding your heart with its poison back his way through your bloodshot eyes, sharp glares cutting deep. Those plush, soft lips parting yet no word escape for you had hit him where it hurt most. It was true, Donghyuk has nothing over you, nothing to make you fall to your knees and beg for mercy, and he absolutely despises it. Never before had he met a girl like you. A girl that had seemingly turned his world upside down, made him lost all his strength and all his ability to function like a normal human being, a girl that refused to listen to him no matter what he says or do.   
“That’s what I thought.” You declare smugly, soaking in all the glory of finally shutting up the king of campus. Who would’ve thought there was a day when the charming Donghyuk would be at lost for words. The man that seemingly always know what to say, when to whisper, and moments when he’d best let his body do all the talking would lose out to a girl like you. If that wasn’t ironic, you don’t know what was. You storm off once more and this time, he lets you go. You don’t dare look back even if curiosity was eating you alive as you round the corner back to your apartment. With each step putting more distant between your bodies, soul calming and heart no longer erratic, you wonder that was truly a victory for a strange sense of sorrow encasing your soul.   
A long bath, face mask, and the ceremonious lighting of that painfully expensive candle your sister had given you was all it took to wash your mind blank of recent event. The image of Donghyuk standing so lonely under the dimly lit night, solemn and hurt, no longer haunting your mind as you ease into your PJ. Though you know at some point in the near future, this night will come back to haunt your soul but not tonight. You had enough for the night and nothing will stop you from having a well deserve rest aside from one more episode of drama. Just one more episode, then you can leave all the pain to be dealt with tomorrow’s morn.   
Yet as with everything else in your life, things rarely work out the way you want them to and this very second, a thunderous string of knocks on your door was enough to distract you away from the promise land of comfort, just shy of achieving. And to think your roommate was out for the weekend, leaving you with nothing but solace and content silent, perfect for your heart to enjoy quality alone time. Another minute and your plan to ignore whoever was at the door failed too as the knock grew louder with each second.   
“Jeez, I’m coming!” You grunt through your gritted teeth, frustration steeling in your chest as you peer through the peephole, ready to cuss out whoever, whatever it was dare disturbing your girl night in.   
Nothing could ever prepare you for the sight beholding, for the day when Donghyuk would be shuffling from foot to foot, nervous, waiting at your front door. Though bit more dishevel then when you had left him last, he was still so beautiful, stealing all the breaths out of your lungs and sending your heart into an erratic fit. This must be some sort of horrific nightmare, or perhaps the best kind of dream because there he stands, studying the shape of your doormat with his foot, sporting that longing looks, the one that had your heart doing tricks all the months. You rub your eyes, once then twice then three times and he was still there, bit distorted through the conical view through your peephole but still very much there. You stand there, neither opening nor ignoring but just watch, watch until his hand once more goes up yet before it could reach the hard surface of your door, a sigh of defeat reeling it back to whence it came from. One last glance at the number on your door, seemingly hoping that he had knocked on the wrong door but alas, it was apartment F103. With one last despondent sigh, Donghyuk turns on his heels, a pout on his lips that makes your heart aches. He looks far too much like a puppy with the pout on his lips and those sweet doe eyes drooping with sadness. So much so in fact that you had nearly let him walk away without saying a word, let him leave without answering that badgering question thrashing inside your heart. Panic ensues, you swing your door open with all the vigor of late night and on the brink of sleep, startling the poor man out of his reverie.   
“Donghyuk, wait! Don’t leave.” Setting aside all the prejudices and channeling all the doubts built up in your heart from the months spent with him laboring over books and endless exams, you call for him. You call for him because you need to know, need to once and for all assure yourself that you weren’t so foolish to hope that there’s much more to the campus king than just smooth words and great sex.   
“Y/n, hi…” The shock from the loud slam of your door was nothing compare to the shock ripping his heart apart hearing you call his name. Not muttering, not grunting it through a cuss, but just calling for him. He’s not entirely sure himself if the emotion painting a small grin on your lips was the one he was searching for, but for some reason it eases his constipated heart.   
“Hi.” You repeat dumbly, once more lost in the way something so simple as black jeans and white t-shirt feel so much like billion dollars laying over his body.   
“I- I’m sorry for bothering you this late.” Donghyuk too lost in his own world, never before seeing you so casual, not a bit of makeup to hide away your beauty from his eyes. Yet as his eyes trail down toward your body, the PJ so loosely hung, guilt rising in his heart.   
“I wasn’t sleeping or anything so, it’s not really any bother.” You lie, fearful the truth would send him right home. “W-what are you, I mean, why are you here?”  
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He rushes out, hanging on the bit warmth playing with your sweet voice, so different from the you of just hours ago. He tries his best, a smile on his lips and all the sincerity his heart possesses dripping through his eyes yet your expression falters, dimming into something so dark he wants nothing more than to wrap you in his arms.   
“Donghyuk, just stop…” You sigh, unable to take any longer the blatant mockery. If he really thinks showing up at your doorstep would somehow magically help you open your legs, then he severely underestimated your hatred for being just another notch in someone’s belt.   
“No, not like that, I swear!” Hands reaching for yours yet Donghyuk not yet dare to touch you, instead, letting them rip away the black beanie covering his soft blond locks before carding through them frustratingly.   
“If not, then what?” Whether you had meant to or not, the question tumbles from your lips doubtful and crass, cutting a bit further into his heart.   
“I- I wanted to come and talk to you… Tell you my real feeling.” He winces at the way frustration furrowing your brows and pulling a contemptuous sigh from your lips. He knows his reputation precedes him in ways he had never wanted for it to and he hates every bit of it. Even more so now when it comes to you for, he never had a real fighting chance to show you the real him. “I’ve been acting like an idiot around you because I really do like you. A-and I don’t think it’s fair that you shut me down even before giving me a chance.” Eyes screwing shut, Donghyuk lets out all the exasperation of watching you laughing away, joking with other guys you barely know. Out too was all the resentment he felt patiently waiting for a chance, for you to look at him, to really see him yet all you ever did was being friendly because of your job. You saw him as nothing more than another dumb frat boy falling on your lap with grades grimmer than the state of his liver, just another tutoring job.   
“Have you been drinking?” Indignation coursing through his veins when you simply resort back to questioning his state of mind, even after he did his best to pour his heart out, to let on his insecurities.   
“No…”   
“You literally reek.” Leaning in close, you soak in the scent of hard liquor wafting from his parting lips, soak in too was the intoxicating scent of his cologne… and him.   
“I- I…” He wants to protest, to tell you he was far from being buzz, let alone drunk yet how could he when all he could smell was you. Donghyuk is so lost, so, so far lost in the way you smell like spring’s field bursting with the most vibrant flowers. You smell like sunshine on a summer day and as refreshing as sweet honey tea, quenching his thirst. Unknowingly, completely uncontrollably he leans in too, focusing on the way your lips look so soft and inviting, not realizing at all that you were now staring at him. Your lips are like magnets drawing him in, stripping away all his self-control and nothing would satisfy his heart more than if you’d just let him have a small kiss. But before his dream could become reality, you hum a small cough, reeling the moonstruck man back to reality. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what came over me.” He lies, knowing full well what had just taken over his body, heart and soul… It was you. “And I swear, it was just one shot. I- I needed it to gather up my wit and courage.” His voice trails off, realizing just how hot his cheeks had gotten and how embarrassing that was.   
“Wow, I feel so honored. Kim Donghyuk had to take shots to talk to me? Little old me?” You tease, though by the soft pout on his lips, it wasn’t too well received.   
“It was one shot, one!” Hands clasping together, he shakes his index, hoping that would somehow convince you even if his words had meant nothing thus far. “Please don’t tease me… I circled your building like 3 times already, so I don’t know how much left of liquid courage I have in me.” Despondent and on the verge of giving up, Donghyuk prays his last ditch of effort would be enough to convince you, but his feet already gearing up to walk away.   
You stand there studying the man, with his eyes glue to his shuffling feet, fingers scratching at the rough material of his jeans as he awaits your answer. The storm within your heart only rage on harder the longer you let your eyes making friend with his handsome features, how suddenly he looks more like the guy you’d bring home to your parents rather than the raging, party animal you’ve heard, seen so much of. And somewhere deep within your soul, the wish lost to the stars long ago that he might be different reaches up and tugs a smile onto your lips.   
“Come in.” You sigh so softly Donghyuk could barely believe his ears, though his eyes already light up with all the hope that tonight will be the night he can finally lays his heart bare to you.   
“Really?!” Half expecting you to sweep him away with a broom, Donghyuk’s heart nearly leap out of his chest when your small invitation calls for him.   
“Yes, really. Figure someone like you wouldn’t like people whispering about your late night heart to heart session in a random hallway…” You sigh with a wave of your hand, standing aside to really let him know it wasn’t a trick.   
“Thank you…” The way you had said it, someone like him, his heart wrenches at the potential image you have of him but nonetheless, if tonight goes well, he might be able to have all the time in the world to change your mind. “But, I honestly couldn’t care less about what anyone say if you give me a chance, even if you reject me after this” He pauses at the door, flashing you that million dollars smile before gesturing for you to head in first. If you really being honest with yourself, Donghyuk already worn down half your defenses even before he had settled onto your couch. Along with that content smile on his lips, so dreamy and perfect, he might as well just take your heart right this second.   
“So…” After what felt like an eternity of silently staring at each other, then staring at every single object occupying your living room, you finally couldn’t take any further the lack of noise.   
“So…” He repeats dumbly, unable to process still that he was sitting in your living room, just mere inches away from you.   
“King Donghyuk has a crush on me, huh? Who would’ve thought?” You muse gently, pulling your knees to your chest, watching the man known not for being awkward being exactly that.   
“I- Can I be honest with you?” The sigh falling from his lips far from the mood and tone you were hoping for. It was forlorn, almost as if regrets slowly drowning him alive. He has you on the edge of your seat, anticipating his every word. You nod gently, humming encouragement for him to go forward and for the first time since you come to know Donghyuk, he lets a sadden smile graces his lips. “I actually hate being call that…” Dry laugh deafening against the silent of your apartment and his strife all the more telling now that it was just you and him. “Normally I’d just shrug it off, you know. No point in fighting it now when it had gone on this long. I’ve heard people call me that out of hatred, of envy, and even just pure lust. Yet something in the way you say it, I don’t know… It’s really heavy on my heart.”  
“I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Guilt rising in your heart listening to his words, the way his eyes so heavy with sorrow? Embarrassment? You weren’t sure what was running through his mind but it’s not what you wanted for anyone to feel, no one deserve to feel that way about themselves.  
“It’s okay, you didn’t know.” He gives you a smile of reassurance, yet it did nothing to ease your heart. “When you look at me, when you call me that, I could feel your contempt, your disdain for everything you think I am, for this surface version of me.” The way the title that had been for so long attached to his name choking back, condescending and mocking, you could feel his soul withering a bit more, and to think hundreds go on each day calling him that… “I’m embarrassed, mortified even to be in front of you. Not to say that I don’t like the parties or being this “cool” guy. With you, suddenly my ‘conquests’ meant nothing, the parties, this reputation… I used to think it was great being this person, but now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror.” A bitter chuckle falling from his heart and you felt your gut wrenching.  
“I’m so sorry, Donghyuk. I never knew I made you feel like that. I’m so, so sorry.” You want to hug him, hug him until all his broken pieces healed, hug him until there wasn’t any more hate for himself left in his heart, hug him until he knows you truly do like him.  
“It’s not your fault I feel this way, Y/n… I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, you know, without the label, without the name. I used to fight people on it, got tired after a while and it just stuck.” He shrugs as if his feeling means nothing, as if he wasn’t pouring his heart out or that sorrow isn’t weighing down that lovely smile. “Sorry for unloading on you like this. It’s not what I came here for…”   
“Hey, never apologize for having feelings. I can’t promise to always know what to say, but I’ll always listen.” For the first time since he settled into the comfort of your home, you let your fingers ghost over his, it was so brief, so gentle that Donghyuk thought it was merely a dream. Yet that smile on your lips, the way you ever so slightly scooting closer his way, it’s so much more than just a dream. “If you think I hate this part of you, why did you act like that around me?”  
“I really thought you liked having the popular guy giving you all his attention… Because I didn’t think you’d like the real dorky me.” His little confession has your heart doing tricks, stomach twisting in knots at how vulnerable, how sweet he is.   
“But, I do!” You lunge forward, steeling shock in his chest with your sudden burst of protest. Donghyuk only stammers in confusion when lean in so close, shoulder rubbing against his and he was once more shrouded in your amazing scent.   
“You do?” Surprise warming through his features, dispelling the forlorn gaze and mournful pout. A bashful grin adorably blooming on those soft lips and suddenly you’re so aware of just how close your body was to his.   
“I like how you remember that I have back to back session on Tuesday so you’d sneak a sandwich in my bag. Or how you commit to memory the insane way I like my tea, yet somehow never remember to bring your stupid calculator to every session.” You love the way a soft blush was rosy-ing his cheeks and you definitely don’t mind at all how close his hand is to yours, pinkies gently touching each other.   
“I-, that calculator thing is on purpose… It’s stupid but I just like borrowing yours.” The sheepish smile and shy confession earned him a hard shove, though it was enough to brighten his mood exponentially.   
“I’m supposed to be praising you right now, brat. I don’t wanna continue anymore!”   
“No, no, I like this praise session. Please keep going, I swear I’ll shut up now!” Fingers to his lips, Donghyuk pretends to lock up his mouth before settling back into his seat, soft smile lingering still.   
“You remember the last time our session ended early?” Eagerly nodding as if he was in class, Donghyuk could never forget that evening, of having the luxury to share conversation with you for a whole hour straight. “You talk about dancing and I just remember thinking it’s amazing how passionate you are. You went on for days talking about these moves that I don’t even dare dream of ever doing. You were so carefree, laughing so hard you snorted and then choked on your drink. I treasure moments like those, when we’re just talking about absolutely nothing but everything.” A dreamy smile tug on his lips at the little reminder that there was always so much more to you and him. It wasn’t just tutor and student, or even just another frat boy trying to score a date. “Oh, and your seemingly useless facts! If you could remember that octopus has 3 hearts, why can’t you remember any of the things I taught you?! When are you ever going to need that fact?”  
“What?! It impressed you!” He protests when you swat at his chest.   
“Debatable” You scoff, not wanting to let on just how lost you are in his eyes and his smile or how natural it feels to have him so relax and comfortable on your couch.   
“It impressed you just a little bit. Admit that much!” Leaning forward, the way your eyes beaming with happiness and the smile that hadn’t left your lips embolden him to let his hands wrap around yours.   
“Fine, but just a tiny bit!”  
“Yes! That’s all I need!” Though the rowdy excitement raging in his heart had calmed itself, those hand so softly encasing yours never left, and you’re more than fine with that.   
“In all seriousness, I like the way the smallest thing could make you smile. The effort you put into your work, and when it had paid off, I was the first to know. There’s no describing how glad I was when you ran straight to the library just to show me that you aced your exam. I don’t know how much this matter to you but, I miss seeing your dumb moonstruck smile whenever I grade your works, and you think I wasn’t paying attention.”  
“Oh, you noticed…” He whispers timidly, gaze shying away from yours but by the way his hands squeezing yours so tightly, he notices too just how red your cheeks had gotten.   
“And even though I might not seem like it, I do like all of you, even the party, even king Donghyuk. There’s no reason why you can’t be both the cool, confident guy and then shy, soft when you need to be. If someone care about you, they would appreciate and love both side of you.”   
“If you really don’t care about my reputation, then how come you change the way you act around me?” There it was, the bit of hurt behind those harsh words he had barked at you, the bit of vulnerability every time you scoffed at another story of yet another rager. It surfaces once more, though this time raw and in plain sight. It’s not hiding behind a smirk or another careless shrug. It’s there for you to see and examine.   
“Because you changed the way you act around me! Suddenly I wasn’t dealing with sweet Donghyuk anymore. One second you were making sure I have enough to drink, that I’m not cold, and the next it was endless pickup lines and lustful jokes! I couldn’t even get in a word without being reminded of who you slept with and how great the party was. I was so sure that you felt at least a tiny tickle in your heart for me, but after your 180, I can’t even tell if you were the same person anymore let alone your feeling.”  
“I- I’m so sorry.”  
“Look, I’m not one to pass judgement on how anyone have fun or their sex life. I just didn’t want to be another conquest, another notch in your belt that mean absolutely nothing to you afterward. I know my own heart and I know I wanted so much more from you than just a one-night stand and a broken heart. I needed to save myself from falling so far into you that I’ll be left to pick up my own shattered pieces when you were done” Your heart feels like it was running million miles a second, tears brimming your lashes but the smile on his lips was so worth the breaths evading your lungs. “You have to understand that all these versions of you, at the end of the day, they’re all still you. They’re still just Kim Donghyuk because Kim Donghyuk is a complex human being with different emotions and different sides. He’s not just a party animal with a tongue, or dick that make girls cry. He’s not just this sensitive guy, or a dork that you think so unattractive either. He’s all of it, and that makes him worth the world. Don’t forsake part of you just to please others.” You hadn’t realized it at all but by the end of your heartfelt monologue, you had ripped your hands away from his, scaring the man into thinking he was crossing all the wrong boundaries. Yet the second you let your hands wrapped around his cheeks, cradling, letting your thumbs petting away the soft tears hot against his skin, his heart near flatline. Donghyuk stills himself under your touch, basking in the way you were almost, at the edge of being atop his laps, pulling him closer.   
“I never want to make you feel like I was only after your body. Not that there aren’t restless nights when all I could think about was how amazing you’d feel pin under me because I mean, have you look at yourself?” A chuckle crisps against the kiss he has just placed on your cheek, tugging you fully onto his lap now. You let your arms wind around his neck, basking in how warm and comforting he feels against your body. “I acted like an idiot because I thought that would win you over. Everyone kept telling me I needed to do more if I ever hope to win your heart so I foolishly let myself believe that only king Donghyuk could ever be worthy enough for you.”  
“I just need for you to be yourself. I know I’m selfish, but I want all of you, from the soft guy that make my heart flutter with his cuteness to the guy that make my body and soul ache late at night from just a teasing smirk. But most of all, I just want you to be comfortable around me.”  
“I don’t think that’s selfish at all… I just don’t want you to think I’m only being sweet to you because I have an agenda… Well, maybe I do, one, make you my girlfriend… But other than that, no hidden agenda.” Stammering his heart out, his cheeks once more sporting pink hues when you nuzzle into his arms, resting your head gently on his shoulder. Your arms snaking around his waist, constricting the bit of self-doubt and pain, fear of being reject right out of his soul.   
“I like you, Kim Donghyuk, all of you!” You whisper against the soft kiss you had just placed on his lips, bitter still from his shot of courage yet so sweet and free.   
“I like you too, Y/l/n Y/n!”


End file.
